I've Become The Friend That . . .

I love being a mom. I love being a friend. At times, it’s tough doing both, especially when you are raising toddlers. They are loud, unpredictable, clumsy & messy. It’s amazing how much motherhood changes you, especially concerning the dynamic you have with your friends. Here’s what I noticed about the friend I’ve become after having kids:

 

I’M NOW THE FRIEND THAT:

Texts more than talks. I remember when I had an infant that slept the majority of the day. I still called my long distance friends and talked for hours. Then as she got older, it became more difficult when my daughter started to get into things. Now that my daughters are 4 & 2, it seems as if they have radar on me. If mommy is on the phone, that must be the time to squeal, fight and scream. Communicating is so much easier texting than talking.

 

Yells mid-conversation. This goes back to the previous point. If my friend is lucky enough to have more than a 5 minute conversation with me, she’s bound to hear me yell mid-conversation. At one point, I can hear the uncomfortable silence in my single friend’s voice, and in the next few minutes, she’s asking me if I need to go. Even though I tell her the wailing she’s hearing is unreasonable, the conversation usually ends. A few minutes later, my child is happy and no signs of discomfort arise. My friends with kids either laugh or tell me they just did the same thing 10 minutes ago.

 

Finishes eating before everyone else. I’ve noticed that I’m the first one done when my girlfriends and I go out to eat. Even though I’m out without the kids, I’m eating like I’m running a marathon race because that’s what I’m used to at home. If I want to finish a meal without interruption, it’s got to happen fast. It’s hard to get out of the habit.

 

Always has a sanitizing item in their purse. Kids are unpredictable. So are their messes. I’m the mom that has something to sanitize with in my purse either in the form of a Boogie wipe, regular wipe, hand sanitizer or sanitizing hand wipe. I’ve started keeping these items in my purse even when the kids aren’t with me. It comes in handy when I’ve spilled some coffee or bits of lunch on myself.

 

Shops online. Before kids, I loved to browse for hours in the mall. I tried everything on, and took back what I changed my mind about once I got home. Now when my friends ask where I’ve purchased something, more than likely I’ve purchased it online. Don’t get me wrong, I love a shopping trip, but shopping with kids limits the amount of time I have to try things on. I also have to keep them still and semi quiet in the dressing room, so it’s much easier to just buy online.

 

Can’t take a group picture because my phone is full of pictures of my kids. No matter how many pictures I download or delete I just can’t get enough of my kids; their messy faces, pouts, smiles, nakedness and beauty.

 

The nice thing about true friends is that they stick around no matter how you evolve as a mom. They understand that motherhood makes you a little absent-minded at times, but they charge it to your head and not your heart. They also realize that it doesn’t change the quality of your friendship, perhaps just the quantity of time you spend together.

What have you noticed about the friend you’ve become after having kids? 

Diedre Jason photoDiedre Anthony is a full time school counselor, mother and wife.  In her blog Are Those Your Kids? , she focuses on her experiences of raising her biracial girls in an interracial marriage.  Her posts are filled with helpful tips about raising children, diversity, curly hair as well as entertaining stories, and anecdotes.  Several of her posts have been published by the Huffington Post .
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22 Comments on The Type of Friend You Become After Having Kids

  1. This is such a sweet article, Diedre. I don’t have children yet, but being an aunt to many I can attest that my older sisters have adjusted their friendships, at least when the kids were younger. It’s always great if you have other friends in similar situations who understand!

  2. Sadly, I am a worst friend after having kids and starting a new job. I have less time to hang out and talk. I admire those who can balance it all.

  3. I’m in the time of my life where I am the “other friend.” No kids, no distractions, but I have been there, so I don’t worry about it too much!

  4. I would be lost without texting! I, too, used to spend a lot of time on the phone when I was feeding infants but now, text is teh only way to communicate with friends in my hectic day!

  5. My friends say I’ve become more observant ever since I became a mom and they also claim that my need to clean stuff has also increased! It’s quite funny when you realize the changes once your become a parent.

  6. Cute post! I love how we can be talking to our friends, scream mid-sentence at our kids about interrupting us and jump right back into what we were saying! The best thing is we totally get it:)

  7. I have to text more than talk also. My kids are loud and either yelling or crying so it’s just more efficient to do this. A lot of my friends don’t understand.

  8. I am totally that friend now that I have kids that has food intentions of hanging out but you better come to my place or it won’t happen.

  9. I remember those days… this too shall pass! So many good times we forgot the rough ones. Now that the kids are grown and married, we find that we once again have that leisure time to visit, shop, etc… we just don’t have quite as much energy.
    We have some of the same problems with our grandkids… but it’s SO much easier to just laugh at the messes they make and trouble they cause. After all, WE are not their parents! LOL