All of my perfectly scheduled plans were derailed this week with a late night trip to the Emergency room. That of course was NOT part of my plan! But, there I was taking my very first ride in an ambulance to the ER. All I could think of was how this is going to set me back in everything I have to do this week. I was in a lot of pain, but I still kept thinking about my to-do list. Even after the ER staff settled me into a room and made me comfortable, I found myself reaching for my phone. I thought, “Let me just check in on my social media while I’m waiting.” Then the voice of reason shouted over that thought with, “what are you crazy? You are EXHAUSTED! You are in PAIN!! Just sit still and RELAX!!!” I couldn’t really relax, but I did put the phone away. I closed my eyes and thought about Christmas.
I am not sharing this to elicit any kind of sympathy in fact I’m going to be OK. It is nothing life threatening! But, this is a very familiar place for me. I talk all the time about letting go of perfection and yet I STILL struggle with this ALL. THE. TIME. Apparently, even while I’m in an ambulance all I can think of is how much time I’m wasting being there, when in fact there is exactly where I needed to be! Agh! Ironically, it was an ER visit nearly three years ago that led me to my “Whatever philosophy” of letting go of perfection in the first place! Double Agh! As you can see letting go of perfection really takes some work for me.
I returned home at 4 a.m. My babies were still sound asleep and I went in to kiss each of them good night. I am so lucky I made it home safe (and still healthy despite a visit to the ER). I realize this is as close to perfection as I can get in my parenting: two healthy kids who have zero interest in my to-do list. When they wake tomorrow all they will want from me is to play, hugs, kisses and of course demand which color cup they want. It won’t be all smiles and sweetness. There will be some crying and some yelling and I won’t get a single thing on my to-do list completed. But, that’s OK.
After a couple hours of sleep I woke up exhausted. I wasn’t ready to face the day alone at home wrangling the twins while I recuperated. It felt daunting at best. But, an angel really came through for me. She helped me get my kids to school and kept them a little longer until their dad could pick them up for me. This was such a gift, the gift of time to heal! It wasn’t our usual routine but my kids just went with it (unusual). The plan I had outlined for the day wasn’t happening with perfect execution, but it was perfect for today!
Christmas is only 9 days away and if everything on my to-do list gets finished, GREAT! If not, I’m going to be OK with that too. I don’t need the gifts wrapped on a schedule, or the crafts finished by a deadline to make this Christmas perfect. I just need to be with my family at home.
As always thank you all for reading each week! I hope you all find joy today, no matter what today brings!
The Whatever Mom is a full time wife and twin mama living on coffee and wine. She enjoys the pure rush of cleaning the BIG potty between loads of laundry. It is her dream that moms everywhere accept and embrace the Whatever Mom philosophy which can be found here.
Find more from Roxanne at Hudson Valley Parent and at Masshole Mommy