The Golden Girls is All a Mom Needs

Iconic hit series The Golden Girls makes its streaming debut on Hulu February 13, 2017. Four previously married women live together in Miami, sharing their various experiences together and enjoying themselves despite hard times. From left, Sophia Petrillo (Estelle Getty), Dorothy Zbornak (Bea Arthur) and Blanche Devereaux (Rue McClanahan), shown. (Photo Courtesy of Hulu)

So it has been about two weeks since my last post. Life has been hectic and I have to say this parenting gig is harder than I ever imagined. There are so many meetings, and so many feelings about life lately. I never knew this could be so complicated. Don’t ya just send your kids to school and blink, then they graduate and start a fabulous life? Easy peasy.

Ugh so wrong.

As I am stressing out about life I discover The Golden Girls is on Hulu. Man oh man does this show bring back memories! I was 12 when this show began. I didn’t get half the jokes back then, but it was such a comfort just to watch every week. I could count on Dorothy’s sarcastic whit and Rose’s naivete. No matter where I was in my house, the sound of those first few piano notes sent me running to the TV to watch. Sitcom life is so much easier when all your problems are solved in 30 minutes and end with cheesecake. Now I can count on the wisdom of these best friends every morning as I hop on my treadmill and cue up the next episode. They make me laugh and make me realize how important my mom friends are to me. Especially the ones who love me for me and do not judge me by my kids behaviors. They know I am a dedicated parent doing my best.

This morning I watched the episode where Blanche’s grandson comes to visit. The women put their cumulative knowledge of child rearing together to create a chore schedule and curfew for her belligerent nephew.  In less than 30 minutes he is cured of his bad behavior and is toasting to his new found self esteem. I was jealous. If only it were that easy to cure kids of their melt downs and behaviors. And how awesome would it be to have some seasoned moms in my crew right now. Instead, we wait months or even years to get the positive change we want to see from our kids. I know hubby and I are still waiting for the sensible sevens to kick in so we can experience less drama in our lives.

Just as Blanche’s best friends rallied around her to help set her wayward nephew on the straight and narrow, I realize how lucky I am to have a very small, but tight knit circle of friends who watch out for my kids just like one of their own. The day to day may get stressful, but having friends who see my kids as something wonderful and amazing makes all the hard work seem worth it. It doesn’t help me solve our problems in a half an hour, but it sure does feel good to know that so many of my friends are willing to take the time to understand and offer to help.

No matter what age and stage your kids are in you need a good mom friend to support you. Your relationship may not involve cheesecake, but as long as they are willing to listen without judging and recognize and celebrate your hard work then you have a friend worth more than gold!

Until next week my friends, remember it is OK to do whatever it takes to make it through your day! 🙂 And watch The Golden Girls whenever you can. Those ladies are funny and offer some serious life lessons about parenting!

The Whatever Mom is a twin mom learning to let go of perfection. She shares her real life struggles with parenting through her blog and contributes her time and talents as a writer to Hudson Valley Parent and Masshole Mommy. When she isn’t writing you can find her chugging coffee, folding laundry and not judging other parents. Don’t forget to subscribe via email so you never miss a blog post again! You can also find her work featured on Mamapedia 

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Friday Favorites – Valentine’s Day Traditions

Valentine’s Day is only days away and I realized I haven’t posted anything about the holiday yet! To be honest, I have never really been a big fan of Valentines’ Day.  Don’t get me wrong I love eating all the pretty chocolates and I do enjoy getting some flowers from time to time. But to celebrate a day to love my friends and family seems silly when I love them every day! OK most days, but still more than one day of the year.

I’ll never forget the first Valentine’s Day my husband and I celebrated he did all the cliché things to try to win my heart. He cooked a fabulous dinner, bought me roses, and gave me a piece of jewelry and a box of chocolates. I gave him …. a pair of boxers with hearts on it. And a card. In my defense, we had dated only two months by this point and I thought it would be premature to go all out for one day. After that he got the message I am a practical girl and I like to share my love every day in the little things I do for my loved ones.

So we don’t really have any Valentine’s Day traditions. We do something new every year like visit a museum or an aquarium. I make their favorite dinner and bake them a cake because having dessert on a Tuesday screams special in our house. But the one tradition that I do keep every year is one that my mother started with me, I write my girls a love letter. They are too young to read them now, so I tuck them away in a special box for safe keeping. When they are old enough to read on their own I will share with them. These are the gifts that keep giving, these little treasures that we put away and only revisit when we need them.

This year we plan to relive our very first family Valentine’s Day by going out to dinner at the same restaurant and stopping for chocolate at the same little shop we did nearly six years ago. We don’t need big gifts to say I love you, and I have certainly outgrown the need for jewelry. I am happiest when we are all healthy and spending our time together laughing.

Click on the links below to see some other fun ways we’ve celebrated Valentine’s Day together at home.

I HEART SCIENCE I shared this fun science experiment last year with my local readers at Hudson Valley Parent.

TRUE MARK OF FRIENDSHIP We made these cute paper craft book marks for our classmates that I found on krokotak.com

 

GALENTINE’S DAY – That time I took an aerial yoga class with my mom friends.

THE POWER OF CHEESE The year I threw together stuff for my kids preschool class.

 

What is your favorite part of Valentine’s Day? Feel free to leave a comment below, or join the discussion on Facebook!

The Whatever Mom is a twin mom learning to let go of perfection. She shares her real life struggles with parenting through her blog and contributes her time and talents as a writer to Hudson Valley Parent and Masshole Mommy. When she isn’t writing you can find her chugging coffee, folding laundry and not judging other parents. Don’t forget to subscribe via email so you never miss a blog post again! You can also find her work featured on Mamapedia 

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If you still need gift ideas may I suggest:


When Your Kid Is a Perfectionist Too

True to my perfectionist character I feel like I have failed if I cannot put out a blog post every week. No one else is saying a word about it, but I put this pressure on myself to have everything outlined and finished by a certain time every week. As you can see I didn’t post anything last week. Sometimes, being in charge of so many humans with their own personalities doesn’t leave room for me to execute my projects and meet my own deadlines. It kills me to stare at a blank page the day after I was due to publish. In the grand scheme I know it doesn’t matter. But I am so hardwired to finish a task in a very specific way. I feel like I let down everyone when I don’t come through.

The last few weeks have been incredibly difficult as a mom. I’ve discovered that my daughter is taking after me with expecting perfection. She is only six years old and already has a very deep need to make things happen the way she has planned. She becomes anxious when she makes a mistake on her homework and now she feels like she just wants to impress her teacher so badly. I have a kid who used to love school suddenly protest leaving the house to attend school. This is just Kindergarten. She is already under so much pressure to perform perfectly.

Seeing her struggle to do her best and feeling crushed when she doesn’t match the expectations of her teacher, or already feels like she let everyone down, is incredibly painful. I want so badly to upload my wisdom to her little brain to help her understand that hinging your self worth on impossible standards is not going to bring her any peace, or happiness. The peace I feel when things are perfect is only fleeting because as a perfectionist nothing is ever good enough. Nothing. I can’t imagine feeling like this at six. I can barely handled it as an adult.

I am trying to focus more on helping her learn how to be OK without perfection. It’s hard to put my perfectionist out look into the head space of a six year old, but I am going to try. I am going to give myself some slack that I am not going to find the perfect solution for her. But I am going to do my best. Then I am going to cut myself some slack when I let a post or two go while I am figuring this all out. This parenting thing. Man. It’s hard! Letting go of perfection is hard too.

Thank you for reading and hanging in there with me from week to week! I appreciate all of you! If you have any advice on how to get a Kindergartner to lighten up I’d love to hear it! Anyone else ever have a kid put so much pressure on themselves to be perfect? Feel free to comment below or drop me a line at whatevmom@gmail.com.

The Whatever Mom is a twin mom learning to let go of perfection. She shares her real life struggles with parenting through her blog and contributes her time and talents as a writer toHudson Valley Parent and Masshole Mommy. When she isn’t writing you can find her chugging coffee, folding laundry and not judging other parents. Don’t forget to subscribe via email so you never miss a blog post again! You can also find her work featured on Mamapedia 

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Stuck on the Track of Perfection

The other day I saw a video clip in my Facebook news feed of a car stuck on the snowy railroad tracks with a train coming toward it. Some good citizens abandoned their cars to assist the driver in the disabled car. I noticed the driver was determined to stay in the car, not give up and just kept driving until they moved forward. But it was with great assistance that they got off that track before the train passed where they were seconds later. I thought that is such a perfect metaphor for life. Especially for me, being a recovering perfectionist.

I can’t tell you how often I get stuck on my own track, completely focused on my own expectations, trying to force a particular outcome. I am determined to stick to that singular path before me. Whether it is pushing the kids to get ready for school on time, or finding a solution to a new parenting challenge. It can feel like life is that train barreling toward me and I am just stuck. When I am really lucky a friend, or neighbor will help steer me in a new direction before I am pummeled. Sometimes it is just a kind word, or even a blunt question that can snap me out of my one track thinking.

Life with kids moves at a quick pace and I don’t always take time to slow down and really appreciate that my hard work counts for something. Being a perfectionist I often discount my efforts, or second guess my parenting skills. It is so much easier to tear myself down than it is to build myself up. Sometimes it is easier to stay “stuck” than it is to persevere and move forward. I often think there is only way to be a good parent, but that mindset is so limiting. I am actually good at many different parts of parenting, but I am not a perfect parent.

So what do you do when you feel stuck on a one way track to perfection?

Take a break. This doesn’t always have to include a sandy beach and little umbrella drinks (though that is awesome), sometimes simple quick things can get you off the track in front of you. Read a chapter of a new book, take deep breaths, go for a walk, just get yourself away from that stressful sticking point. Sometimes I find better solutions when I hop off that one way track. I can stop worrying about my struggles for a little bit and find a new perspective.

Remember what you are good at. Maybe you can make any situation funny. Or maybe you are really good at caring for your kids, or keeping everyone wrangled. Maybe you are good at loving your kids through their really horrible moments. You may not be perfect at every part of parenting, but celebrate the parts you are really good at. I know I am really good at seeing the best in my kids even during a meltdown. That does nothing to keep my house organized, but it is one thing I am good at!

Cut yourself some slack. So you forgot to pack lunch the night before and there are dishes still in the sink before breakfast, but everyone has clean socks today! Perhaps you forgot there was soccer practice right after school today, but you remembered to grab a granola bar and bottled water for kid snacks from the store on your way! Giving yourself options keeps you from feeling like you just got pummeled by that train. I am getting much better at giving myself credit for the things I did do right in my day.

Talk to another parent. I always find the best parents to talk to are the ones who have already been down my road. They can offer practical advice that worked for them, and share a sympathetic ear. Sometimes it’s just good to know you are not the only one who struggles with parenting (and perfection). Join a group online, in person or talk to parenting friends at work. I am really lucky to be surrounded by so many people ready to guide me.

I hope this is a good time to remind you that you are a great parent just as you are! No one is winning a prize for having themselves more put together than you. No one else is putting pressure on you to give more than you can. No one else works as hard for your kid(s) as you do. So, take a deep breath and don’t let perfection keep you from moving forward.

Have a great week everyone!

 

The Whatever Mom is a twin mom learning to let go of perfection. She shares her real life struggles with parenting through her blog and contributes her time and talents as a writer toHudson Valley Parent and Masshole Mommy. When she isn’t writing you can find her chugging coffee, folding laundry and not judging other parents. Don’t forget to subscribe via email so you never miss a blog post again! You can also find her work featured on Mamapedia 

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Friday Favorites – Queen Girls Collection

I am always on the hunt for books that will help empower my girls to believe they are capable of anything. They can grow up to be anything they want to be, but I have a hard time finding books that portray females modeling that. I am often discouraged by the books where girls fight to find true love, or they are princesses obsessed with pretty things, or the female needs to be saved by her prince. These are all romantic ideas, but not necessarily the imagery and beliefs I want my girls to carry for themselves. I need my girls to see characters who believe in their dreams and put in the hard work it takes to make those dreams come true!

I am so excited that Queen Girls Publications reached out to me not only to share their new collection of Queen Girl books, but also to partner up in giving away some fantastic books for your kiddos! I am running a giveaway for copies of e-books right now on my Facebook page!

Read below why this collection is so amazing, and why you have not heard of it yet! It is so brand new the official printed copies will be ready in March! The kick starter campaign runs through this Sunday and you can pre-order your own copies! After these go to print they will begin showing up on door steps and in book stores in March. THIS IS YOUR SNEAK PEEK!! But you could win an e-copy set to arrive in February!

Queens are the New Princesses!

Queen Girls is a collection of stories of real women turned into fairy tales. Their mission is to inspire young girls to follow their dreams and envision them as possible.

‘Often times, classic stories highlight the strength, courage and skills of men while female characters are often stereotyped or one-dimensional. Did you know that 57% of children’s books have male protagonists, while 31% are female? We believe that we should be telling different stories to our children, especially at this stage when they begin to create perspectives and beliefs they will hold for the rest of their lives’

They also believe in giving back to the community and this is why they stand on a One for One model.  Every time you purchase a book, another will be donated to local and international organizations that are empowering girls and fighting illiteracy.

The Collection

Books are available in English and Spanish at the moment and geared for 4-8-year-olds.

The first fairy tale, ‘Bessie, Queen of the Sky’ is inspired by the story of Bessie Coleman, the first black woman to hold a pilot’s license.

‘When Bessie was growing up, no one could have imagined that a she would make it out of the cotton fields and become a pilot, but she used her determination and courage to make it happen’

Future Queens include

  • “Isadora, the Rebel Queen!” Inspired by the story of Isadora Duncan, a ballerina who danced away from rigid ballet technique and defied conventionalist minds by creating what today we refer to as Modern Dance or “Barefoot Style.”
  • Savi, Queen of Education!” Inspired by the story of Savitribhai Phule, a woman poet, an educationalist and a social reformer who defied all odds to become the first female teacher at the first women’s school founded by her and her family.

This is a completely new twist on the fairy tale format! Stories of real women who accomplish extraordinary things for themselves! It may seem like these books are made specifically to empower girls, which they are, but lets not leave the boys out. Offering up strong female heroes in books helps encourage young boys to see their friends, sisters and future partners as equals and capable of great things. This is such a powerful concept! I am sharing below the video of the book creators telling their own story and how Queen Girls became their dream come true.

 

Amazing right? Want to know more about getting your own copy? Visit the Kick Start project page to find out how to pre-order! When you order a book for yourself, another one is donated to an organization focused on literacy and empowerment. It’s a win-win and you are backing a mission that inspires strength and courage for the next generation. #queengirls #bebessie

The Whatever Mom is a twin mom learning to let go of perfection. She shares her real life struggles with parenting through her blog and contributes her time and talents as a writer toHudson Valley Parent and Masshole Mommy. When she isn’t writing you can find her chugging coffee, folding laundry and not judging other parents. Don’t forget to subscribe via email so you never miss a blog post again! You can also find her work featured on Mamapedia 

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I Fear My Kids Will Be Terrible People

I confess that I often feel like nothing I say has any significant impact on my kids. I can’t stop them from fighting and rough housing turns into shoving matches. I am always breaking them up and shouting a line from the movie, Rush Hour, “do you hear the words that are coming out of my mouth?!”  I feel like I say the same things over and and over again. I am always lecturing my kids on how they need to grow up to be respectful, appreciative humans. I worry if they will ever get along and if they’ll ever learn to be kind.

On one particularly difficult morning of too much chaos I commanded the girls to get in the car. “Every body in, we’re going to the store!”

My daughter asks me, “Will Michael be there mama?”

“I don’t know we’ll have to look around when we get inside.”

“Oh I hope he’s here! He is SO funny!”

Michael is the man that we see every time we shop at our local club store. He is one of the employees that hands out food samples. Both of my daughters love to visit him during our shopping trips to get their free snacks and a good laugh. Michael has a quick wit and ease when talking to little kids. I think they enjoy how he talks directly to them and not just about them to me. I told my kids that Michael is my friend and someone I used to work with. I was also the maid of honor at his wedding and I even introduced him to his wife. Which is all true.

But what my daughters don’t know about Michael is that he is categorized as “Intellectually Impaired.” I met him during my last career as a case manager. I worked for the agency that provides him with services like job coaching and residential assistance. I was part of the staff that came to his home to help him pay his bills, balance his check book and made sure his needs were being taken care of. Michael and his wife are capable of living on their own with support, and together they are like any typical couple managing their apartment and caring for their small dog.

I have never shared with my girls Michael’s diagnosis because I don’t want that to be the first thing they think of when they see him. Right now they enjoy sharing jokes with him and asking him for samples. To them Michael is a funny guy and a good friend. Too often folks living in the “disabled” community are made to feel less than and struggle to fit in seamlessly with their peers. Society often sees people with disabilities as incapable of advocating for themselves, or having little power to sustain a productive life. I don’t believe those are true. Michael and his wife have certainly proven those ideas wrong. If I describe Micheal as disabled (I prefer the term differently-abled because everyone has abilities) I basically hand my children a distorted lens in which to view people. I want them to look at people through a singular lens that shows everyone as a human being.

We arrive at the store and my girls are delighted to find Michael at his station. (And I am delighted they finally stop bickering).

“Hi Michael!” They both shout in unison.

“Hey girls!!” he replied. “It’s so nice to see you here!”

Today’s samples are snack bars. He hands them the little cups and asks how they like school, and they share with him the newest set of knock-knock jokes they just memorized. He laughs a very genuine laugh and reminds them to listen to their parents. Nothing about this interaction is “special.” We talk to Michael the same way we do any of our friends. In a world where people receive praise for showing kindness to persons with a disability, my children get no recognition. I ask them if the are happy to see Michael today and thank them for remembering their manners. As they say goodbye to their friend I realize my children will grow up to be OK. My kids are kind and they are genuine.

My girls still knock each other down and argue over petty things. At age six they are not good listeners, or follow directions. But they are doers, and one day they will grow up to do ordinary things. Like treat (other) people equally and with respect.

 

The Whatever Mom is a twin mom learning to let go of perfection. She shares her real life struggles with parenting through her blog and contributes her time and talents as a writer toHudson Valley Parent and Masshole Mommy. When she isn’t writing you can find her chugging coffee, folding laundry and not judging other parents. Don’t forget to subscribe via email so you never miss a blog post again! You can also find her work featured on Mamapedia 

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Friday Favorites – Zen Coloring Set Flash Giveaway

Today I had to pick my daughter up from school. She has had a raspy voice and sore throat for days. No fever, nothing extra. Just plain feeling crummy. So when she finally had enough and went to the nurse because her throat was just too sore I caved and let her come home.

I don’t want to start a trend of every time I visit the nurse I get to go home, so right now she is not allowed to watch TV or play her video games. She has to stay in bed, in her jammies and rest. Awhile ago I picked up some zen kiddie coloring books with ocean scenes. My girls love them! My little lovey asked if I would sit with her in her bed and color with her. Sure. Why not? My agenda for this day is already shot.

Coloring books are fun, unless you have two perfectionists fighting for elbow room on a tiny lap tray. I remember, I have my own stash of coloring books! I pull them out now and then when the girls are working on art projects and I want something of my own to color. No really, I do! So, guess what? Ya’ll get a flash giveaway of an awesome coloring book and markers set!

Here’s a sneak peek of what’s inside:

You have to be a fan of my Facebook page to get in on this action! So head on over to The Whatever Mom to like the page and share, and tag 3 friends you think could use a little zen time! WINNER ANNOUNCED TOMORROW 1/7/17 ON FACEBOOK.

After the last few weeks of life being total chaos, it was nice to slow down and enjoy some quiet time. Even if it wasn’t by myself.


The Whatever Mom is a twin mom learning to let go of perfection. She shares her real life struggles with parenting through her blog and contributes her time and talents as a writer to Hudson Valley Parent and Masshole Mommy. When she isn’t writing you can find her chugging coffee, folding laundry and not judging other parents. Don’t forget to subscribe via email so you never miss a blog post again! You can also find her work featured on Mamapedia 

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My New Year Resolutions for 2017

It’s day 4 of the New Year and I am reading all the blog posts about resolutions, “New Year, New Me” mantras and how to make goals. I already know I am heading into 2017 with the same worries and anxieties I had in 2016. Writing a goal on paper to check off at the end of the year isn’t going to change that. But if I am pressed to make a resolution, I can tell you that I resolve to be the same horrible mom I was in 2016.

I am happy to be the horrible mother my kids think I am. To them I am horrible because I don’t let them eat junk food and give up on personal hygiene. I’m terrible because I say no to things like using their sister to climb on to get up to the hidden chocolate. I am also really, really horrible because I make my kids do things for themselves, even if it’s really, really hard. Like the day my daughter threw a bowl of food she didn’t like and it splattered across the entire kitchen. I handed her a towel and made her clean up every last drop. She cried and I yelled. It was just terrible of me.

My kids need me to be the naysayer and put the kibosh on their terrible ideas like when they decide to go on a shower strike, or pull their mattress off the bed to launch their sister like a bowling ball into the wall, or throw toys into the ceiling fan. They have tiny idiot minds right now and it is my job to stop them from doing ridiculous things. They also need me to force feed them leafy greens and oranges so they don’t get scurvy. Because that’s what terrible moms do! And I am the worst!

But seriously, I did a lot of reflecting on everything I’ve learned in the last year including what makes me the worst mom on the planet. The most important thing I’ve learned is sometimes being a terrible mom makes me a great mom. As much as my kids hate the word NO! they need me to keep them safe. They need me to push them to try new things, or push them passed a fear to try something new. As horrible as I am, I am always the safe place my kids want to land when they need to. Whenever they are scared, or sad, or need a hand to hold they look toward their terrible mother who tells them no. No one will ever love them like I do.

So, welcome to 2017 where you’ll find the same old mom doing the same old terrible things! Wait, is it too late to throw in resolutions to find better hiding places for my chocolate and stronger wine? #newyeargoals

Spill it…what makes you a terrible, no good mommy?

The Whatever Mom is a twin mom learning to let go of perfection. She shares her real life struggles with parenting through her blog and contributes her time and talents as a writer to Hudson Valley Parent and Masshole Mommy. When she isn’t writing you can find her chugging coffee, folding laundry and not judging other parents. Don’t forget to subscribe via email so you never miss a blog post again! You can also find her work featured on Mamapedia 

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Friday Favorites – 2016 Parenting Review

Hello everyone! I am a little behind in blogging this week (again). An unexpected family illness has taken precedence over all my posting and writing. The beauty of being a blogger is that I can set my own pace and schedule. On days when I feel like I’m not as far ahead as I would like to be, having the time to be with my family reminds me why I keep going and growing. When a family member is facing a scary unknown, every moment counts.

Here is a fun video from mom blogger Deva at My Life Suckers. Hope you enjoy on this chilly Friday (or snowy cold day here in the North East). As we prepare to close out another year, remember to leave perfection behind and may your only goals in 2017 be to love each other and enjoy even the smallest moments each day! Much health, happiness, prosperity and peace be yours in the New Year!

As always thank you for reading and staying with me! Love to you all!

The Whatever Mom is a twin mom learning to let go of perfection. She shares her real life struggles with parenting through her blog and contributes her time and talents as a writer to Hudson Valley Parent and Masshole Mommy. When she isn’t writing you can find her chugging coffee, folding laundry and not judging other parents. Don’t forget to subscribe via email so you never miss a blog post again! You can also find her work featured on Mamapedia 

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Friday Favorites- All of You!

So nothing about today went as planned.

I was rushing around like crazy doing too many things at once and smashed my hand into the refrigerator door. I didn’t slam the door on my hand, instead I did something more cleverly impossible. I smashed my thumb and wrist so hard into the door handle that I thought I broke it. Thankfully, it is just a sprain. But I used my writing and publishing time at the emergent care place today. So, this is what you’re gonna get before I go pop another 10 Tylenol and ice down my hand:

The winner for the Vero Brava headband is Dagmar M!! I am going to email Dagmar today and wait until Tuesday 12/27 (it is Christmas after all) for response before moving to the next winner.

Also, I had another fun giveaway scheduled for today, but again nothing went as planned. So… next week?

Why are you all my favorites today? Well, because you allow me to be me. The wholly flawed personal that I am. I can send out my post a little late because these crazy imperfect things pop up in my day and no one judges me for it. I can also post a pic with my messy house in the back and no one is shocked by this. Thank you!! BTW, I so appreciate you taking time to read and respond each week. I enjoy having this connection with all of you! I hope every one of you enjoys the warmth of the holiday season and celebrates with much love and kindness! May the new year be good to all of us!

Warmest wishes,

Roxanne

 

The Whatever Mom is a twin mom learning to let go of perfection. She shares her real life struggles with parenting through her blog and contributes her time and talents as a writer to Hudson Valley Parent and Masshole Mommy. When she isn’t writing you can find her chugging coffee, folding laundry and not judging other parents. Don’t forget to subscribe via email so you never miss a blog post again! You can also find her work featured on Mamapedia 

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