Defining Moments In Parenting Not Found on Social Media

Easter will be here in two more days. That’s when the slurry of pictures crop up on social media and the judging starts. Not that we are judging others because we are Whatever Moms, and Whatever Moms don’t judge other parents right? But how often are we judging ourselves? We wonder if our efforts stack up to be enough compared to everyone else’s. We start to compare how we show our love and measure it against how other parent’s show theirs. Maybe you’ll see pictures from a mom who handmade her kids baskets, or a mom who made all her kids candy from scratch, or maybe from a dad who assembled a bike for his kids. Now you are looking at your offerings with scrutiny and worry it’s not enough.

I’ve been there. Actually I’m there right now. I haven’t even started shopping for my kids baskets yet. I have a working idea of what I want to put in them. There simply wasn’t enough hours in the day this week to sneak away to buy everything. We were busy enjoying our break and having fun. We spent our days outside in the sun and taking each of our kids on special date days. Now I’m feeling the time crunch and I see all these pictures of great baskets popping up in my news feed. I’ve even posted a blog for “non-candy” ideas and yet, I have not picked up anything for my kids’ baskets. Does this mean I love my kids less? Nope.

The defining moments of being a parent do not come neatly packed with pretty bows and delivered on time. The material things we supply our kids with do not reflect how much we care. Being a loving parent happens when your kid dumps an entire glass of milk across the table and you don’t scream at them. You calmly help them sop it up with a towel and explain it’s OK accidents happen. Even if it is the third time in the same meal. There’s nothing pretty, or neat about that. Love for our kids shows up in the every day moments when we bandage up the scraped knees, or teach our kids hitting isn’t nice. None of those things are unwrapped once a year with eager anticipation. When our kids grow up they will look back at how much fun they had during the holiday, but that holiday fun won’t be what defines how much we love them. Our value as a parent can’t be counted out in exquisitely colored Easter eggs and giant baskets of gifts.

So, as we head into the Easter weekend know that everything you have to give is enough. All the time you spent pouring over the details of kid baskets and the meal you’ll prepare is enough. Being present with your children is enough. Set aside the worry and self doubt and just know you are enough.

Happy Easter All, and if you do not celebrate Easter Happy Weekend All!

The Whatever Mom is a twin mom learning to let go of perfection. She shares her real life struggles with parenting through her blog and contributes her time and talents as a writer to Hudson Valley Parent and Masshole Mommy. When she isn’t writing you can find her chugging coffee, folding laundry and not judging other parents. Don’t forget to subscribe via email so you never miss a blog post again! You can also find her work featured on Mamapedia 

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Friday Favorites- Little Blueberryy Giveaway

Happy Friday! You know by now I only share the things I truly love and use in my own life with you, right? That’s what my Friday Favorites segments are all about. Today, I am sharing my new favorite jewelry designer- Brooke Michaels! She is the owner and designer at Little Blueberryy. Brooke herself is as energetic and fashionable as her original creations! She is the sole designer, creator, marketer and brand originator. She is an entrepreneur on the go and she creates stylish pieces to fit an energetic lifestyle.

Brooke began designing jewelry as a hobby when she was just 13 years old. Being creative just comes natural to Brooke, which is easy to see in her t-shirt and jewelry designs. She also creates jewelry with crystals, dream catchers and original wall art. When she graduated from college and returned home she realized that building a business is something she has to do fulfill her creative passions.

What I love most is that Little Bluberryy designs are simple statement pieces that provide fashion on the go.  The adjustable metal bracelets are perfect to wear to the gym, while chasing toddlers, to the grocery store, or for a night out with friends. Using pure metals in copper, brass and aluminum affords comfortable style and intrinsic health benefits. Every piece is uniquely hand crafted and stamped and packaged by Brooke personally. You can read more about the benefits of each metal on her Etsy page.

All of the metals used in the metal bracelets are sourced in the U.S.A. and are completely customizable. If you want a special birth date, or coordinates of a special location, or you want a personal mantra stamped into the metal for all of eternity Brooke can do that! Kid sizes are also available! How cute would it be to get a mommy and me matching set customized with their birth date, or your affectionate pet names for each other? She also crafts hand stamped necklaces that are super trendy right now. You can have your child’s name, or special poetic phrase you both love stamped onto a keepsake you will wear for a very long time!

Little Blueberryy designs also offers gorgeous crystal jewelry to suit every mood. Maybe you need to relax, or just ward of negative vibes, Brooke has a crystal for that! You can find her beautiful creations on the Little Blueberryy website.

As always I love to shop a brand with a love for charitable giving. Brooke’s pet passion is helping animals. She creates unique dog tags and donates 10% of every purchase to the ASPCA, an organization that advocates for animal welfare and adopting pets into good homes. I love that you can shop Little Blueberryy for such unique personalized gifts for every member of your household!

It wouldn’t be a Friday Favorites giveaway if I wasn’t giving away one of my favorite things right?! Out of all of Brooke’s designs my most favorite is the customizable metal bracelets! It is such an affordable way to custom design a gift for a friend, yourself,  your mom, a co-worker or a favorite teacher. It’s a really easy go-to gift that you can be a part of designing. You can stack different metals for a unique look and to soak up all the healing properties at once.

Not that you need an excuse to shop with Brooke, but Mother’s Day is right around the corner! What mom wouldn’t love to wear something customized just for her? Well here is your chance to win ONE customized bracelet in a metal of your choice! Pick from pure copper, brass or aluminum and you pick what you’d like Brooke to hand stamp! She does her magic and ships it off to you!! Easy peasy!! She ships all over the country, so you don’t have to worry about where you live! What are you waiting for? Go enter!!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Disclosure notice: This post contains affiliate links. I make a small commission if you purchase through the Amazon links below for the products pictured. All social media links are safe and free to use.

If you sign up to follow Little Blueberryy’s newsletter you can keep up with sales alerts and receive 10% off of your very first order. Through the month of April all Birds Nest necklaces are 10% off! These are gorgeous symbols of family and strength- perfect for your mom or grandmother, or other favorite mom.

LB on Instagram Facebook Shop


Photo credit: All photos contained in this post belong to Brooke Michaels of Little Blueberryy Designs.

The Whatever Mom is a twin mom learning to let go of perfection. She shares her real life struggles with parenting through her blog and contributes her time and talents as a writer to Hudson Valley Parent and Masshole Mommy. When she isn’t writing you can find her chugging coffee, folding laundry and not judging other parents. Don’t forget to subscribe via email so you never miss a blog post again! You can also find her work featured on Mamapedia 

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If You Give Your Mom An Attitude

I remember the day I was standing in the hot shower, shampoo lather in my hair, and one thought stopped me in my tracks, “In just a few weeks the girls will be three! The terrible twos will be over!!” I was almost too over joyed upon thinking of this. Later, when I shared it on Facebook, someone had the audacity to tell me about the “Trying Threes.” It totally crushed my hopes and dreams of compliant, happy little kids. Thankfully, I survived living with two ‘threenagers’ and can tell the tale.

Here we are at age six and if I had to give it a name I’d call it ‘Sassy Six.’ Oh my word the sass. The strong opinions and the absolute knowing mom is just plain wrong. Ya know, the mom who went to college and had a career for over a decade before they were born? She is just dumb and wrong about EVERYTHING. Six is really feeling a whole lot like SIXTEEN! I am sure this too shall pass, but I can’t say with certainty which one of us will make it out alive. (Kidding of course).

In order to deal with it all I use a planned ignoring technique. It goes like this: when my child is listing all the reasons why she can’t do something, like I just don’t know the struggle, I do the dishes and pretend she isn’t having a fit right now. Then, I repeat my instructions to do what I’ve asked as calmly as I can. As if she never lost her mind in the first place. After using this technique for the 14th time in a day on more than one child, a mom could go a little insane. And that’s when I write things like this in my head:

If You Give Your Mom An Attitude

by Roxanne Ferber

If you give your mom an attitude, chances are she will send you to your room. Then she’ll want you to clean it. She’ll tell you to pick up all the toys and put away that pile of clothes. Then she’ll say, “make your bed if you want to go out to play.”

If you give your mom an attitude, chances are you’ll have to go to bed without any dessert. She’ll tell you, “you can’t have any” because her feelings are hurt.

If you give your mom an attitude, chances are you’ll start to feel bad. You’ll wish you never said that and wish you hadn’t made her mad.

If you give your mom an attitude, chances are she’ll love you just the same. She’ll hug you and squeeze you and call you by name. And, chances are you’ll tell her your sister is to blame.

You may notice this is a loose parody of a familiar childhood series (and one of my personal favorites). Obviously, keeping a sense of humor helps when dealing with kid drama. If you missed it, that’s my one tried and true way of coping with the stress of motherhood- humor. I’ve read the If You Give … series a million times to my kids, so naturally it’s easy to recall while I am rage cleaning. Rewording these stories in my head to mimic my reality makes it easier to deal with the brash accusations that I am THE WORST MOM EVER!

How do you survive the kid tantrums at your house?

The Whatever Mom is a twin mom learning to let go of perfection. She shares her real life struggles with parenting through her blog and contributes her time and talents as a writer to Hudson Valley Parent and Masshole Mommy. When she isn’t writing you can find her chugging coffee, folding laundry and not judging other parents. Don’t forget to subscribe via email so you never miss a blog post again! You can also find her work featured on Mamapedia 

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Friday Favorites- Make Your Kid A Money Genius (Even If You’re Not)

Teaching my kids to be responsible with money is a cornerstone of the foundation I am building for them. I grew up poor, but I learned very early the value of a dollar. By elementary school I understood that buying a toy that lasts for less than a few minutes wasn’t worth all the work I put into earning the cash to pay for it. By the time I was a teenager my mother (a single mom of four) was a full time employee and attending college at night. She entrusted me with the weekly grocery budget. I planned every meal and snack for our family of six, and I learned how to double stack store sales with coupons. That may sound like a lot of responsibility for a teenager. But I never had to work while I was in high school because whatever money I saved in the grocery budget, I got to keep ($30 a week on average). It turned out to be an amazing life lesson.

As a parent I worry how to teach my kids what I learned by doing. Age six is a little too young to clip coupons and meal plan, but I believe they can still be in charge of their own money. Our kids do not earn money for routine chores like dishes, laundry and cleaning their rooms. But we do want them to learn that hard work pays off. So we pay them for more labor intensive jobs like yard work, washing the cars and cleaning up the garage. Over the last year they have each saved up $30! Instead of marching off to the toy store to buy one item, we told them they could have it to spend while we were on vacation. The caveat being they were responsible for purchasing their own souvenirs. Why? Because when mom and dad are buying, they think the sky is the limit. It’s easier to spend someone else’s money when you don’t know how much work went into earning it. Our decision paid off because the girls really thought about their budget when making their selections. They asked about prices and we helped them do the math and talked to them about adding in tax. I am proud of how quickly they accepted the new money rules, and really proud of how well they stuck to their budget.

My friends reactions after hearing this made me feel like maybe I was being a little too strict about money with my young kids. But according to Beth Kobliner, author of Make Your Kid A Money Genius (even if you’re not) this is completely age appropriate, and the first step to helping our kids become money geniuses.

We are already following many of the tips Beth outlines, but one thing we never thought about was including our kids in the weekly discussion of household finances. We are so focused on teaching them what we know vs. allowing them to experience where all our money goes. I honestly did not think that needed to happen until much later. Thankfully, Beth breaks down money concepts kids should know in preschool, elementary school, high school and beyond. There is also a section on how to save and pay for college. I feel like that discussion is so far away, but it will be here before I know it. Thankfully, I’ll be prepared with Beth’s step by step plan.

I also really love that this book includes character building tips surrounding money, like when to donate and how to give generously. I tend to give whatever change I have in my pockets to a Veteran, or sports kid shaking a can outside the grocery store. But I never thought to talk to my kids about why I give. The book begins by outlining how to talk to your kids about money, and each subsequent chapter is broken down into talking about paying off debt, better, smarter, spending how to give back and even smart advice for parents. Which even as good as I am with money there is always room to learn more!

Unless you are already working a job in the world of finance, this book is essential for parents of children ages 3-23! It is the perfect primer for talking to your kids about money concepts at every age and stage. Helping your child understand the value of money and how to use their dollars wisely will set them up for future success!

In what ways have you helped your child become a money genius?

Find Beth on Facebook and Twitter or on her website www.bethkobliner.com/


The Whatever Mom is a twin mom learning to let go of perfection. She shares her real life struggles with parenting through her blog and contributes her time and talents as a writer to Hudson Valley Parent and Masshole Mommy. When she isn’t writing you can find her chugging coffee, folding laundry and not judging other parents. Don’t forget to subscribe via email so you never miss a blog post again! You can also find her work featured on Mamapedia 

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My Very First Podcast on Lose The Cape

I am so excited to share my very first pod cast with all of you! Not only because it was so much fun to record, but I have been a fan of the Lose The Cape blog for a long time! I interviewed with co-creator Alexa Bigwarfe who is a funny, busy mom to three kids. Alexa is also a published author, an advocate for women and families, AND we share a lot in common with our motherhood philosophy- there is no such thing as perfect!

Thank you Alexa for making this a really fun experience! I hope all of you enjoy listening as much I enjoyed recording this!

 

 

Feel free to comment below about the pod cast, or leave some tips on calming the chaos of a busy life!

 

 Alexa Bigwarfe is a freelance writer and author. Alexa co-authored the book “Lose the Cape: Realities from Busy Modern Moms and Strategies to Survive” (losethecape.com) published in Spring 2015. Her #losethecape philosophy as a mom is based on the idea that we are all doing the best that we can as moms, and should be encouraged in motherhood. She also edited and published a book for grieving mothers entitled “Sunshine After the Storm: A Survival Guide for the Grieving Mother” and has been published in several anthologies, including “The Mother of All Meltdowns,” and “The HerStories Project,” and “Mothering Through the Darkness.” She launched her writing with the the blog No Holding Back, as an outlet for her grief after the loss of one of her twin daughters to Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS). She can be followed on Facebook  and Twitter (@katbiggie).

The Whatever Mom is a twin mom learning to let go of perfection. She shares her real life struggles with parenting through her blog and contributes her time and talents as a writer to Hudson Valley Parent and Masshole Mommy. When she isn’t writing you can find her chugging coffee, folding laundry and not judging other parents. Don’t forget to subscribe via email so you never miss a blog post again! You can also find her work featured on Mamapedia 

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My Marriage And My Expectation for Perfection

This week I thought I’d sit down and write about marriage. But every time I start to type something I feel like such a fraud. Mainly because I have zero clue what it takes to make a marriage successful. My husband and I have been together for a total of 17 years, yet I have zero wisdom to offer.  I have no authority or accreditation to qualify me to talk about relationships of any kind. I laugh typing this because just this morning I wanted to scream at my husband for his total lack of consideration for my day.

After dinner last night I asked my husband to please take out the trash and finish the dishes for me while I got the kids through their bed time and story time routine. I need to be in my office to write and I am hoping to get to bed before 11 p.m. (Never happened). I went about my routine, got the girls into bed and ran off to type up my thoughts. My husband forgot I even mentioned any of those things and sat down in front of the TV to relax. I assumed he took care of everything I asked him to. I went to bed an hour or so after he did, so I didn’t think to check on what I asked him to do.

This morning his alarm woke me up around 5:30 a.m. as it does most mornings. I could hear him resetting his clock. We had a huge blizzard yesterday and everything closed down. He wasn’t needed very early so he took a little extra time to sleep. Well, once I’m awake. I am awake. So, I decided to get up and get some coffee and maybe listen to a podcast for the first time. Maybe I’ll even get on the treadmill. (Never happened).

The first thing I notice is a sink full of dishes. I had to take deep breaths and swallow hard the bitterness. I made my coffee and rolled up my pajama sleeves to do the dishes. As I was dumping the remnants collected at the bottom of the sink into the garbage, I see that it is still overflowing. I may have snarled a little. As I close the lid and turn around I see several cups on the kitchen table left from dinner and a trail of food bits left over by one of our Tasmanian devils. *Sigh* well at least the dishes are done and so is the coffee.

I pour my cup and fire up a Ted Talk on YouTube (I know not a pod cast, but still info). Not even five minutes later I hear, “AAAAAAHHHHHGGG MOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!” and deep sobbing. I rush to my daughter’s room and see she had a potty accident which is very unusual so I’m guessing she has a urinary tract infection.  We can just add a trip to the emergent care to today’s list of things to do. I cleaned her up and got her to the couch to rest since it is so early. I cleaned up her room and started the laundry. Hubby gets up to get ready for work. He simply has to pick up his keys and lunch box and head out the door and his morning is under way. “Don’t forget the garbage,” I yell after him.

I really have to congratulate myself for not losing it right there in the kitchen. I really wanted to yell and give him the big lecture about how his neglect set back my morning. But I didn’t. After he left and silence fell over the house again I realized I don’t have to dig us out of the almost 3 feet of snow today. My husband, full of his annoying faults, went outside three times yesterday during winter storm Stella to snow blow our driveway. He even played with the kids in the giant snow banks. This morning he moved my car to the middle of the driveway before leaving so that I could load the kids in easier. He knew I’d need to get out to the doctor today.

When he arrived home, after battling whatever annoying things happened to him at work, and braving crazy people on the road, he transferred our pet fish into the clean tank because I was too nervous to do it myself. Then he finished the dishes and read the girls a book so I could run into my office to check email (and edit this post).  I realize now at 10:00 p.m. he isn’t responsible for making my day perfect. No one is. There are no perfect days, only perfect moments.  After 17 years I know enough about him to know he shows his affection through random little things I don’t always notice, like setting the car up for easy maneuvering, or setting the timer on the coffee pot.

So here is the small wisdom I learned today. When the stress of the day begins to pile up, it’s easy to dump it on our spouse. When we are tired and overwhelmed we want someone else to take responsibility, or sometimes take the blame. My husband isn’t as plugged into the household grind as I am. But I do have to give him credit for his supporting role and background efforts. They may not be as loud, or as messy, or as “perfect” as mine, but he is there and he is trying.

Maybe you have had similar moments with your spouse? Anyone have any married with children insight to share?

The Whatever Mom is a twin mom learning to let go of perfection. She shares her real life struggles with parenting through her blog and contributes her time and talents as a writer to Hudson Valley Parent and Masshole Mommy. When she isn’t writing you can find her chugging coffee, folding laundry and not judging other parents. Don’t forget to subscribe via email so you never miss a blog post again! You can also find her work featured on Mamapedia 

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Moms, You Won’t Ruin Your Kids If You Don’t Celebrate Every Holiday

I’m sure by now you have read a post or two written by moms asking, “Am I the only one that doesn’t need to go over the top for EVERY holiday?” I see it in nearly every one of my Facebook mom groups during the week of some calendar holiday. I get it because I was that mom too. Only now I realize I was saying it because I was feeling inadequate. I was second guessing what kind of mom I am because I didn’t take the time to invest in a craft with my kid, or spend time planning a surprise for the morning. Of course this completely minimizes all my hard work planning kid activities through the year, simply because I didn’t do it close to a holiday. We do a lot for our kids every single day and it doesn’t always come with glitter and balloons.

So with St. Patrick’s Day and Easter right around the corner, let me share what I’ve learned since making that same statement.

  1. People are who they are. Some moms are hard wired to express their joy openly and with big colorful decorations. To them this is fun. Maybe their mom did the same, or maybe their mom never did anything to celebrate and now celebrating with their kids feels special. Whatever their reason for celebrating, how they celebrate is part of their story and their business.
  2. Social media is meant to be social. Just like in real life, some people are way more social than others. Many folks use their social media accounts to keep their long distance family members included in their daily lives. It is no longer the norm for families to live on the same block any more. So sharing photos on Facebook is the modern equivalent to how our parents used to send pictures in the mail to grandma. Except now instead of just grandma getting to see it and gush over it all 347,000 friends on our list get to see it too.
  3. “No one is parenting at you.” That’s a direct quote from a mom friend. No parent is up through the night plotting to out do you as a parent. There is no trophy we are all vying for and certainly no one is going to recognize you or me as THE ONE, THE ONLY, THE PERFECT MOM!  If other moms are up sacrificing sleep to make magic happen for their kids inside their own homes let them have it. They aren’t looking for you to validate them (or criticize them).
  4. I know who I am. I am not going to be able to recreate someone else’s magical moments in my house. I am not crafty and I don’t have a ton of money. I like things simple and I like to have fun. I am also a last minute mama who can barely handle putting out a nice table cloth and throwing a few coins on the table. Keeping a week long, or even a month long running gag of leprechaun tricks, or elf shenanigans is too much work for me. But I am not judging any other mom who has that kind of stamina. I also know it doesn’t mean she loves her kids more than I love mine. I am willing walk to the ends of the earth for my kids. I’m just not willing to fire up the glue gun for them.
  5. I can enjoy the fruits of someone else’s labor. Since I already know the amount of work that goes into motherhood, I can totally appreciate any mom who can find the time to finish a craft, organize all her closets and design a command center. I can barely finish the dishes most days, so I consider all of those projects to be extracurricular. It’s really fun to see how creative my friends are without it being a competition. And since we are friends why would I want to spend my time showing them up, or complaining about their hard work. You go mamas! I’ll give your pic a like from the comfort of my couch. Oh and thanks for filling my news feed with your happy photos of smiling children.

Essentially, don’t go judging other moms for making a day bigger than you are willing to. Everyone is different and expresses their excitement in different ways. If you are a low key mama embrace it! Celebrate your minimal ways by not posting about it on Facebook. Or post your efforts on Facebook anyway without stacking them up against someone else’s. Our kids are watching how we do things and if they hear us tearing down the way others live in their homes we can expect that will be their views when they become parents too. If you are like me and just want the holidays to hurry up and be over with so you can pack everything away, your kids’ lives will not be ruined. I assure you there are a million other things you can do to land them in therapy.

The Whatever Mom is a twin mom learning to let go of perfection. She shares her real life struggles with parenting through her blog and contributes her time and talents as a writer to Hudson Valley Parent and Masshole Mommy. When she isn’t writing you can find her chugging coffee, folding laundry and not judging other parents. Don’t forget to subscribe via email so you never miss a blog post again! You can also find her work featured on Mamapedia 

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The Golden Girls is All a Mom Needs

Iconic hit series The Golden Girls makes its streaming debut on Hulu February 13, 2017. Four previously married women live together in Miami, sharing their various experiences together and enjoying themselves despite hard times. From left, Sophia Petrillo (Estelle Getty), Dorothy Zbornak (Bea Arthur) and Blanche Devereaux (Rue McClanahan), shown. (Photo Courtesy of Hulu)

So it has been about two weeks since my last post. Life has been hectic and I have to say this parenting gig is harder than I ever imagined. There are so many meetings, and so many feelings about life lately. I never knew this could be so complicated. Don’t ya just send your kids to school and blink, then they graduate and start a fabulous life? Easy peasy.

Ugh so wrong.

As I am stressing out about life I discover The Golden Girls is on Hulu. Man oh man does this show bring back memories! I was 12 when this show began. I didn’t get half the jokes back then, but it was such a comfort just to watch every week. I could count on Dorothy’s sarcastic whit and Rose’s naivete. No matter where I was in my house, the sound of those first few piano notes sent me running to the TV to watch. Sitcom life is so much easier when all your problems are solved in 30 minutes and end with cheesecake. Now I can count on the wisdom of these best friends every morning as I hop on my treadmill and cue up the next episode. They make me laugh and make me realize how important my mom friends are to me. Especially the ones who love me for me and do not judge me by my kids behaviors. They know I am a dedicated parent doing my best.

This morning I watched the episode where Blanche’s grandson comes to visit. The women put their cumulative knowledge of child rearing together to create a chore schedule and curfew for her belligerent nephew.  In less than 30 minutes he is cured of his bad behavior and is toasting to his new found self esteem. I was jealous. If only it were that easy to cure kids of their melt downs and behaviors. And how awesome would it be to have some seasoned moms in my crew right now. Instead, we wait months or even years to get the positive change we want to see from our kids. I know hubby and I are still waiting for the sensible sevens to kick in so we can experience less drama in our lives.

Just as Blanche’s best friends rallied around her to help set her wayward nephew on the straight and narrow, I realize how lucky I am to have a very small, but tight knit circle of friends who watch out for my kids just like one of their own. The day to day may get stressful, but having friends who see my kids as something wonderful and amazing makes all the hard work seem worth it. It doesn’t help me solve our problems in a half an hour, but it sure does feel good to know that so many of my friends are willing to take the time to understand and offer to help.

No matter what age and stage your kids are in you need a good mom friend to support you. Your relationship may not involve cheesecake, but as long as they are willing to listen without judging and recognize and celebrate your hard work then you have a friend worth more than gold!

Until next week my friends, remember it is OK to do whatever it takes to make it through your day! 🙂 And watch The Golden Girls whenever you can. Those ladies are funny and offer some serious life lessons about parenting!

The Whatever Mom is a twin mom learning to let go of perfection. She shares her real life struggles with parenting through her blog and contributes her time and talents as a writer to Hudson Valley Parent and Masshole Mommy. When she isn’t writing you can find her chugging coffee, folding laundry and not judging other parents. Don’t forget to subscribe via email so you never miss a blog post again! You can also find her work featured on Mamapedia 

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Friday Favorites – Valentine’s Day Traditions

Valentine’s Day is only days away and I realized I haven’t posted anything about the holiday yet! To be honest, I have never really been a big fan of Valentines’ Day.  Don’t get me wrong I love eating all the pretty chocolates and I do enjoy getting some flowers from time to time. But to celebrate a day to love my friends and family seems silly when I love them every day! OK most days, but still more than one day of the year.

I’ll never forget the first Valentine’s Day my husband and I celebrated he did all the cliché things to try to win my heart. He cooked a fabulous dinner, bought me roses, and gave me a piece of jewelry and a box of chocolates. I gave him …. a pair of boxers with hearts on it. And a card. In my defense, we had dated only two months by this point and I thought it would be premature to go all out for one day. After that he got the message I am a practical girl and I like to share my love every day in the little things I do for my loved ones.

So we don’t really have any Valentine’s Day traditions. We do something new every year like visit a museum or an aquarium. I make their favorite dinner and bake them a cake because having dessert on a Tuesday screams special in our house. But the one tradition that I do keep every year is one that my mother started with me, I write my girls a love letter. They are too young to read them now, so I tuck them away in a special box for safe keeping. When they are old enough to read on their own I will share with them. These are the gifts that keep giving, these little treasures that we put away and only revisit when we need them.

This year we plan to relive our very first family Valentine’s Day by going out to dinner at the same restaurant and stopping for chocolate at the same little shop we did nearly six years ago. We don’t need big gifts to say I love you, and I have certainly outgrown the need for jewelry. I am happiest when we are all healthy and spending our time together laughing.

Click on the links below to see some other fun ways we’ve celebrated Valentine’s Day together at home.

I HEART SCIENCE I shared this fun science experiment last year with my local readers at Hudson Valley Parent.

TRUE MARK OF FRIENDSHIP We made these cute paper craft book marks for our classmates that I found on krokotak.com

 

GALENTINE’S DAY – That time I took an aerial yoga class with my mom friends.

THE POWER OF CHEESE The year I threw together stuff for my kids preschool class.

 

What is your favorite part of Valentine’s Day? Feel free to leave a comment below, or join the discussion on Facebook!

The Whatever Mom is a twin mom learning to let go of perfection. She shares her real life struggles with parenting through her blog and contributes her time and talents as a writer to Hudson Valley Parent and Masshole Mommy. When she isn’t writing you can find her chugging coffee, folding laundry and not judging other parents. Don’t forget to subscribe via email so you never miss a blog post again! You can also find her work featured on Mamapedia 

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If you still need gift ideas may I suggest:


When Your Kid Is a Perfectionist Too

True to my perfectionist character I feel like I have failed if I cannot put out a blog post every week. No one else is saying a word about it, but I put this pressure on myself to have everything outlined and finished by a certain time every week. As you can see I didn’t post anything last week. Sometimes, being in charge of so many humans with their own personalities doesn’t leave room for me to execute my projects and meet my own deadlines. It kills me to stare at a blank page the day after I was due to publish. In the grand scheme I know it doesn’t matter. But I am so hardwired to finish a task in a very specific way. I feel like I let down everyone when I don’t come through.

The last few weeks have been incredibly difficult as a mom. I’ve discovered that my daughter is taking after me with expecting perfection. She is only six years old and already has a very deep need to make things happen the way she has planned. She becomes anxious when she makes a mistake on her homework and now she feels like she just wants to impress her teacher so badly. I have a kid who used to love school suddenly protest leaving the house to attend school. This is just Kindergarten. She is already under so much pressure to perform perfectly.

Seeing her struggle to do her best and feeling crushed when she doesn’t match the expectations of her teacher, or already feels like she let everyone down, is incredibly painful. I want so badly to upload my wisdom to her little brain to help her understand that hinging your self worth on impossible standards is not going to bring her any peace, or happiness. The peace I feel when things are perfect is only fleeting because as a perfectionist nothing is ever good enough. Nothing. I can’t imagine feeling like this at six. I can barely handled it as an adult.

I am trying to focus more on helping her learn how to be OK without perfection. It’s hard to put my perfectionist out look into the head space of a six year old, but I am going to try. I am going to give myself some slack that I am not going to find the perfect solution for her. But I am going to do my best. Then I am going to cut myself some slack when I let a post or two go while I am figuring this all out. This parenting thing. Man. It’s hard! Letting go of perfection is hard too.

Thank you for reading and hanging in there with me from week to week! I appreciate all of you! If you have any advice on how to get a Kindergartner to lighten up I’d love to hear it! Anyone else ever have a kid put so much pressure on themselves to be perfect? Feel free to comment below or drop me a line at whatevmom@gmail.com.

The Whatever Mom is a twin mom learning to let go of perfection. She shares her real life struggles with parenting through her blog and contributes her time and talents as a writer toHudson Valley Parent and Masshole Mommy. When she isn’t writing you can find her chugging coffee, folding laundry and not judging other parents. Don’t forget to subscribe via email so you never miss a blog post again! You can also find her work featured on Mamapedia 

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