Category: Uncategorized

Sometimes I’m Jealous of Moms with One Kid

Yup. I said it. While I love my kids, and I wouldn’t do anything to change this crazy chaos of having four kids 5 and under, sometimes I look at the mom with just one kid and wish it were me.

How amazing would it be to completely focus on one child for more than 10 minutes straight? Sometimes one of my older girls wants to tell me a story, or build a Lego castle, and after a few minutes her little brother has gotten into something or one of the other kids starts crying. Even though I tell her I’ll be back, I know I’ve lost the moment.

Swim lessons? It would be awesome to do mommy and me, but there’s only one me and always at least 2 of them. The library for circle time? Nope. The library is the worst. They all have to sit and be quiet while someone reads a book; I can do that at home and not stress about how much of a trainrweck we look like when it’s time to go. The park? We tried to go to the park once when there was a field trip happening. I turned right around and went home. There’s no way I can keep track of my four kids in a sea of 40 other kids.

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I discovered I can fit three kids on my lap at once, but that means one is always left out. At every meal it’s a negotiation for which two kids get to sit next to me. I feel like every day is an intricate balancing act of everyones emotional, physical, and mental demands, and most days I’m failing.

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I’ve started thinking about the financial aspect too. Not the bigger issues of putting four kids through college, but the smaller impact having four kids can put on my budget. Souvenirs when we’re on vacation, treats when we’re at the store, uniform and activity fees in sports, even taking four kids to a fair. With tickets, food, rides, games, etc it adds up. Our tooth fairy needs to get a side job because it’s going to get expensive paying for four kids teeth!

Even something as simple as running errands; if I’m at the house and I discover I don’t have an ingredient that I need for dinner, there’s no running to the store really quick if my husband isn’t home. I’m making a different dinner. It’s at least an hour ordeal to get everyone ready, shoes on, in the car, buckled, to the store, in the cart, items found and purchased, then back in the car, buckled, and unloaded at the house.

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How much easier would it be if I could just focus on one kid? Getting their shoes on. Getting them buckled. Shopping with one kid in the cart. Buckling one back into the car. Back to the house.

And taking one kid to the fair; going on rides wouldn’t be a problem because no one would have to stay back with the kids that were too small. I could cuddle one kid in my lap and no one would feel left out. You want to go to the park today? Sure! I only have to keep track of one kid; perfect!

Realistically I know it’s not that simple. If I really only had one kid I wouldn’t feel this way, because I wouldn’t know how crazy it is to have four. And I would never wish any of my kids away; they’re all amazing little people who I couldn’t imagine living without. But sometimes, I look at the mom who says she’s tired from chasing her one kid around all day, or that it’s hard to go anywhere with a kid in tow, and I’m jealous.

 

Jennifer at Sweet DiscordJennifer is a stay at home mom with two sets of twins. She copes with having four kids ages 5 and 3 with wine, desserts and cooking. But at the end of the day she wouldn’t trade her crazy life for anything. You can read more from Jennifer at Sweet Discord.

 

Friday Favorites -LuLaRoe {Giveway}

Friday FavoritesLuLaRoe

I am a little late to the LuLaRoe party. I was very hesitant to get started with these pricey leggings in bold prints that I could never see myself in. That is until my friend Heather Bunch invited me over to one of her pop up shops for some personalized shopping. I went alone without kids and really took my time getting to know more about the company and the clothing line. It turns out LuLaRoe has way more than just leggings!

I confess, I am a recovering (self) body basher and trying on clothes is a trigger for me. It takes me back to a time in my life when I was so self loathing and hated looking in the mirror. I am accustomed to hating the whole experience of clothes shopping and the body shaming that follows.

But let me tell you, this experience is trans-formative. It isn’t simply because the clothes are magical, but the LuLaRoe clothing line is designed to accommodate all body types. It enhances what you do like about yourself and smooths out the rest. It also helps that Heather is on a mission to make women feel good about themselves. She says after all, “I’m not just selling clothes, I’m selling confidence.” The in-home shopping experience is way more personal than shopping at the mall. And Heather is not only there helping coordinate outfits, but she is there telling me how to be kind to myself.

The first thing I try on is the Azure skirt. You can see in this picture I’m still really skeptical about this whole process.

LLR Azure HB

I am traditionally anti-skirts. I don’t like the fussiness of having to sit still, or the way every skirt rides up over my hips. Thankfully, the yoga band at the top keeps the skirt in place and makes it oh so comfortable. I can sit tall and still breathe. It is also a very versatile piece that can be worn as a strapless dress, or turned upside down and tied at the ends to create a scoop neck top.

Next, I try on is the classic T with the beloved Cassie skirt. I am starting to warm up a bit more.

LLR Cassie HB

My typical mom uniform is a t-shirt and blue jeans. It’s quick, it’s easy and I don’t have to think about it. It requires very little effort on my part, and I’m starting to think maybe I want to look like I put in a little effort. Wearing clothes that are tailored to fit my body type and style, gives me a little more freedom to feel like myself.

The Cassie skirt is form fitting like a pencil skirt, but it is flattering to many different body types.

Then, I try the Nicole dress. As you can see I am much more comfortable with trying on new things.

LLR Nicole HB

I would never pick this out for myself. On the hanger it looks too form fitting. But it is actually very roomy. It is also very comfortable, light weight and easy to change the look with accessories. I can wear with leggings or without leggings, or dress it up with a belt and a chunky necklace. I am starting to see the possibilities!

The more tops and skirts Heather hands to me to try on the more comfortable I become with getting dressed and undressed. I am not so worried about the mirror. This experience becomes less about my body and more about finding comfort and joy in what I am wearing. Suddenly I want to find prints that I like. There are classic prints, fun and whimsical prints and some very unique prints. There is quite literally something for every style and taste.

After two pop up sessions of trying things on and learning what I love, I am now hooked. As a mom I often feel uncomfortable spending money on myself. But I work really hard and I deserve nice things. Most of all I deserve to feel good about myself.

As you can see by the pictures below, Heather is right. She DOES sell confidence!

BEFORE LULAROE

LLR before HB

AFTER LULAROE

LLR Gloria

Giveaway Heather is giving away $25.00 LuLaRoe Cash to ONE lucky winner!!! Enter below for your chance to win!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

That’s not all! Visit Heather at one of her pop up shops and tell her The Whatever Mom sent ya! You get a 10% discount just for mentioning my name! Pop up shops are Friday’s 10 am – 2 pm and by appointment only. Located at 164 Linderman Ave. Kingston. Call Heather directly to set up your appointment 845-532-9373 or email [email protected]

Join Heather’s exclusive Facebook VIP Boutique to hear about all her sales and upcoming parties!

The Whatever Mom is a twin mom learning to let go of perfection. She shares her real life struggles with parenting through her blog and contributes her time and talents as a writer to Hudson Valley Parent and Masshole Mommy. When she isn’t writing you can find her chugging coffee, folding laundry and not judging other parents. Don’t forget to subscribe via email so you never miss a blog post again! You can also find her work featured on Mamapedia and The Novice Mommy.

The Whatever Mom did receive complimentary LuLaRoe product in exchange for this review. However, all thoughts and opinions are solely my own. This transformation really did take place and my experience is genuine.

When There Is No Space For Mom

No Space for a Mom

Before I dive right into my blog topic for today, I just want to say a big THANK YOU to my contributors that have helped me get through summer this far! Thank you Jennifer, Debbie, Amber, Gloria and Diedre! Without each of you I wouldn’t have had the extra time to spend with my kids and work on my blog. I am taking some workshops and training courses to learn how to convert this blog into a business! As exciting as that sounds it isn’t easy to fit it all into my day of being a mom. It is especially difficult when there is no space for me.

I thought working from home is  a dream come true. Until I started actually working from home… and the kids are here. Having the kids home while I’m trying to works is even harder than actually going to work. Yes, it saves me in day care. Yes, it saves me from schlepping and we can keep our own schedule. But at what price? My sanity. My sanity is the price.

Without a break from the care taking and the constant demands of sandwiches and laundry a mom could go insane. I am literally one person taking care of three other humans. I am all there is. I don’t have a mom close by that can help me take the kids to the park, or a sister two towns over who can take my kids to the movies one day. I have a husband who works a lot and two kids who demand a lot. That’s it. We see extended family once a year when I pack up the kids and drive home by myself. My life as a mom is so overwhelming.

I try to find space for myself in the small parts of the day not occupied by my kids and husband. I get up earlier than everyone else so I can sit outside and listen to the birds and drink my coffee. But I am usually interrupted with a screeching howl of, “MAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHM.”

I try to exercise to get the good energy flowing. But then I have to stop short because the kids are fighting over the TV.

I try to get to the gym so the kids can be the daycare providers problem and I can zone out on the treadmill and watch TV. But no one wants to cooperate to get out the door.

I try to read a book while the kids are quiet. But then I have to stop every other paragraph to make a snack, or change a channel, or end a dispute.

I try to enjoy a good home cooked meal. I miss connecting with my kitchen. I used to pour a glass of wine, light some candles, turn on the music and whip up a meal with fresh ingredients. Now I am tied to the toaster oven reheating frozen chicken nuggets.

I wake up early to get some blog writing done in those “fringe hours.” But suddenly one child is awake and crying. It is like I have an alarm button on the bottom of my feet that alerts I am upright and ready to accept their commands.

I attempt a moms night out and get a text from hubby we are out of over night underwear. I have to leave my friends early to go to the store and bring them home.

Nearly every day it is a struggle to find a space for just me. I can’t finish a sentence, a phone call a blog post or even check Facebook from my phone without a constant barrage of noise. My kids are almost six years old and I still don’t get to take a shower every day. It feels like every moment in my day is interrupted.

But then, in the moment just before I crack. Just as my tears start to well a little arm goes around my shoulders and a tiny voice says, “I love you mama.” The tension eases away. My jaw starts to release and the tears calm. “I love you too sweet heart.” This is the space where I belong. Right here in the comfort of little arms snuggling me tight. I belong right here in the little hearts who think I am the safest place on earth.

There is no space for me to exist any more without my beautiful, wonderful children. I am learning to let that space be big enough.

The Whatever Mom is a twin mom learning to let go of perfection. She shares her real life struggles with parenting through her blog and contributes her time and talents as a writer to Hudson Valley Parent and Masshole Mommy. When she isn’t writing you can find her chugging coffee, folding laundry and not judging other parents. Don’t forget to subscribe via email so you never miss a blog post again! You can also find her work featured on Mamapedia and The Novice Mommy.

 

 

Friday Favorites- Limelight by Alcone {Giveaway}

I’ve already shared with you my favorite Summer Sun Skin Care items I use all summer long. But today I am excited to share with you some new products I’ve found through LimeLight by Alcone. I am always on the hunt for great makeup and skin care products. I have found a line that I truly love and look forward to using!

I met with my friend Tenaya who is now a Beauty Guide for LimeLight by Alcone. She treated me to a make over with skin care and make up products that are all manufactured with your health and the health of the planet in mind. I was excited to spend the day outside on her deck enjoying the beautiful day kid free, and getting some extra pampering.

Alcone Chemical Free

The first thing I tried is the Dream Clean set which is a basic starter collection. I could feel my skin immediately hydrate and it felt really clean. My skin felt smooth after using all of the products which is key for me. I loved the feel of the masque of zen. All of these products are plant based and smell amazing.

Alcone set

Next up Tenaya matched me up with a foundation color. I will say this was the most perfectly smooth foundation I have ever tried. Not only did it go on easily but it made my skin absolutely flawless- no redness, no freckles it was all covered. I am not a fan of foundations that have a strong “plastic” smell. This cream foundation had none of that. It felt light and was totally fragrance free.

Alcone foundation

I learned that this makeup line is used by Hollywood makeup artists. In fact, the family owned company has been the number one makeup supplier for generations. Adding in a plant based skin care line and removing non essential chemicals from the makeup formula is what gives this company it’s modern edge.

The Alcone product I am most in love with right now is the Make-Off make up remover cloth. It is gentle enough to use every day and will take off your make up in one swipe. With the summer heat here I’ve started carrying these little prepackaged cloths in my bag and even in my beach cooler. As soon as I am done with a day of sun with the kids I pull out one of these cloths. The rosewater is refreshing and hydrating and I can feel my hot skin start to calm. Super convenient!

Alcone MakeOff Cloth

All of the Alcone products come with a 100% happiness guarantee, so if you don’t love your products you get your money back. Oh I almost forgot to share with you the best part about the packaging! Not only is it gorgeous, but it is 100% recyclable. The color pallets and the foundation pallets all pop out of the cardboard case; all of which can be tossed into your recycle bin. Each one is small enough to carry in your purse or add to your makeup bag!

Alcone package

If you want to learn more about LimeLight by Alcone stop by Tenaya’s personal shopping site, or ask to join her exclusive PRIVATE Facebook group. You can ask any questions there and get all the details on new products and upcoming sales promos. If you are local and would like to have your own make over and foundation color match you can schedule one with Tenaya through her group.

Alcone Tenaya

* * * *  GIVEAWAY TIME * * * * *

 

Alcone giveaway

Three lucky winners are going to get a $25.00 gift certificate to shop with!! How exciting is that? If you haven’t tried Alcone products before this is your chance! Simply follow the link to Tenaya’s closed Facebook group and request to join. Then like and share the group for extra entries! You are entered for your chance to win! (Contest open now through Sunday 7/24/16. Winners announced on Monday 7/25/16).

Happy shopping!

 

The Whatever Mom is a twin mom learning to let go of perfection. She shares her real life struggles with parenting through her blog and contributes her time and talents as a writer to Hudson Valley Parent and Masshole Mommy. When she isn’t writing you can find her chugging coffee, folding laundry and not judging other parents. Don’t forget to subscribe via email so you never miss a blog post again! You can also find her work featured on Mamapedia and The Novice Mommy.

 

The Hilarious Things My Kids Say

Kids can be the most unintentionally hilarious people. They might make an observation that is 100% true, but no adult would ever say out loud. Or, they mispronounce a word that alters what they’re trying to say. Or, it could just be a word they cannot completely remember how to say, and the version that comes out is off just enough to be adorable.

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One of my older girls is five and doesn’t pronounce the word ‘pattern’ correctly. She pronounces it ‘patter-in.’ She is starting Kindergarten and  I should correct her, but I love that little reminder that she’s still so young and not just my grown up girl going off to school on her own.

Both of my older girls still routinely say ‘lellow’ instead of ‘yellow’ as well. I feel like it doesn’t hurt anything, and most words they’ve learned I make sure they can say correctly, but yellow and pattern I just can’t bring myself to correct. I’m sure in no time they will have grown out of mispronouncing those words and my sweet, little girls will talk to me like older girls; with no reminders of the toddlers they used to be.

My husband was singing ‘Mambo #5’ the other day and the girls wanted to learn it. My oldest was trying to sing back the words and kept saying ‘everyone in the clubhouse go ride’ instead of ‘everybody in the club say come on let’s ride’ because of the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse show. I mean, that’s adorable, and even though we corrected her a few times, I still think it’s hilarious and awesome that she’s putting Mickey’s Clubhouse in the song.

Just like my girls my son has his hilarious moments too. He has the best mispronunciation. He’s turning 3 this summer and has an amazing vocabulary, but struggles with fire truck. In fact, for a few months he couldn’t say ‘truck’ at all without it coming out as ‘f*ck’.

fire truck 1

‘Mommy! Fire F*ck!’

Now, I know it’s a bad word, and I shouldn’t encourage him to say it, but I can’t correct it. It’s hilarious! He’s already started to grow out of it and says fire engine about half the time now.  Usually he says the ‘tr’ in truck, but for those months he mispronounced it I would simply smile when were out.

Sometimes I can get too caught up in being busy and getting things done and I forget my kids are just little. They don’t have the same patience as me, or view of time, or ability to wait when they ask for something. So when my older kids say they ‘have a loose toothes’ or ‘their teeths came out’ it helps remind me that they’re not adults yet, They are still kids and I need to enjoy them now, before they totally grow up on me. I will never get these moments back.

When my son is being crazy and literally bouncing off the walls because he’s a 2 year old boy, and then he says ‘Look! A big f*ck!’ when we drive by a semi-truck, it makes me laugh when I might not have otherwise. Eventually these will just be stories that I tell about my kids when they were little, but for right now they are my everyday life. I’m going to enjoy it and if I happen to take the back road by the fire station instead of the main road to go to the grocery store, that’s just my wanting to share a laugh with my kids.

Comment below to share some of the hilarious things your kids say. 

Jennifer at Sweet DiscordJennifer is a stay at home mom with two sets of twins. She copes with having four kids ages 5 and 3 with wine, desserts and cooking. But at the end of the day she wouldn’t trade her crazy life for anything. You can read more from Jennifer at Sweet Discord.

 

Update on My Norwex

I really make it a personal standard to only share with my readers products that I have used in my own home and truly enjoyed. I want to only promote items that make our lives as parents a little easier, because, well parenting is already hard enough! Whether it is self care products, home care products, fun things to entertain the kids, or a subscription box everything I share has been tried out by myself, or my guest contributors.

Several months ago I shared with you my love for Norwex products and how I can clean my home using just water. Since then I have truly enjoyed the ease of cleaning my house with zero chemicals and in less time. But I have to confess that there is one product I was deeply skeptical of and did not share in my original post. I thought it was too hokey to work. In fact I refused to use it for nearly six months.

The Nylon Mesh Dishcloth

mesh cloth

I really thought there is NO WAY this thing was going to clean all of my dishes. It feels like a jersey you’d wear in gym class. I imagined it would only make a giant mess and wouldn’t work. Until I ran out of my stash of kitchen sponges and needed to wash the dishes. I thought OK. Let’s give this thing a try. And it actually works. Like really works. Better than a sponge! I have wiped away spots on my stainless steal cookware that I would have had to scrub with a regular sponge.

Food pieces wash away completely and when finished using you lay it out flat over your clean dishes, or hang up to dry. There is no place for bacteria to grow. No hidden spots for mold spores and best of all -there is no smelly sponge to toss and pay money to buy more. My friend and Norwex Rep Rebecca shares her dish cloth is going on two years. She has not had to purchase a dish sponge in two years. That’s a savings for your wallet and the planet!

Speaking of saving the planet I am now curious about other Norwex products that will help us reduce our plastic consumption. Here is my Wish List For Savings:

We use a lot of plastic straws. We toss at least 100 straws a month into our trash. The plastic used in drinking straws is not biodegradable. It just sits in our landfill. I also spend around $25 a year on plastic straws alone. So we are switching to stainless steel straws to save the planet and money.

stainless steel straws

We buy a lot of produce at our grocery stores and farmer’s markets. We often stuff our fresh selections into a plastic bag that gets tossed in the trash. (I haven’t found another use for them). So picking up some reusable mesh produce bags will really help cut down on the amount of plastic bags we throw away. These are washable and easy to carry along with our reusable shopping bags.

produce bags

We don’t use a lot of plastic wraps in our house. I have invested in several quality sets of reusable glass and food grade plastic containers to keep plastic wraps out of our home. I really love the sandwich wrap and snack bags from Norwex! These are great for packing sandwiches and our coveted gold fish crackers for a quick picnic in the park.

Sandwich wrapsnack bag

If you have not yet fallen for the craze that is Norwex please feel free to use my personal shopping link to find out more and feel free to ask questions. I promise it has been worth every penny spent! We can breathe easier in our homes and know that we are saving money and our planet!

Have you tried Norwex yet?

The Whatever Mom is a twin mom learning to let go of perfection. She shares her real life struggles with parenting through her blog and contributes her time and talents as a writer to Hudson Valley Parent and Masshole Mommy. When she isn’t writing you can find her chugging coffee, folding laundry and not judging other parents. Don’t forget to subscribe via email so you never miss a blog post again! You can also find her work featured on Mamapedia and The Novice Mommy.

 

Friday Favorites – Bean Box And Fun With Coffee

And all the moms chant, “What do we want? COFFEE!” “When do we want it? NOW!”

I believe there are two drinks that moms use as appropriate survival tactics – Coffee and Wine. I have three main reasons why coffee is a must have in my home and here they are:

Bean box boys

Lately, I’ve been on a subscription box kick. It’s such a great way to try new things that you normally wouldn’t have the opportunity to, or even know about. While doing a search of the top subscription boxes  I found Bean Box. Samples of coffee beans from roasters in Seattle straight to my door? SIGN ME UP! Seattle is synonymous with coffee so I know I’m in good hands.   

bean box coffee

My first customized Bean Box sampler arrived with four specialty roasts from four different independent coffee roasters – Kuma Coffee, Herkimer Coffee, Lighthouse, and Conduit. You can customize your box depending on your roast preference from light to dark. Each coffee you select is shipped within 48 hours of roasting so that it’s always fresh. A ampler box includes four 1. 8-ounce packages of whole bean coffee. If you are new to brewing beans like I am, this is the equivalent to approximately 16 cups of coffee. You can purchase a decent coffee bean grinder for under $20 on Amazon. I scored a Cuisinart Grind and Brew coffee pot at a yard sale for just $5!  It is super convenient to throw the beans right into the coffee maker and let it do the rest with a touch of a button.

bean box table

Sharing a fresh cup of coffee is a great way to connect with others, so I asked a five of my friends to come over and sample some of this good stuff! We started with a pot of Drip Blend by Herkimer Coffee which has hints of cherry, caramelized sugar and chocolate. Not surprisingly, we went thru that pot quickly and made another. Our second round was the Guatemala Chuito by the award winning Kuma Coffee. They describe it as a bright roast with notes of brown sugar, blueberry juice and lime. Would you believe we made a third pot? Did I mention that all five of us have toddlers? We finished up with a pot of Colombia Finca Veracruz roasted by Conduit.

Each bag of coffee includes a brief description by both the roaster and Bean Box. Bean Box described it as a “bright, white grape juice, creamy cocoa and a spicy finish of nutmeg in this intense, yet friendly, roast.” My husband and I shared Lighthouse’s Roaster’s Choice  which like the others was a great bold cup of coffee.

Do you have another coffee lover in your life? They have some great options for gift giving from the Coffee of the Month to the World Coffee Tour Box. You can also purchase the 12-ounce size bags of your favorites that include espresso and decaf options.

Good-Bye plastic pods of coffee! Bean Box has made me a believer in how coffee is supposed to be!

 

FUN THINGS TO DO WITH COFFEE:

Create Personalized Coffee Mugs by purchasing white coffee mugs from the dollar store. (The cheaper mugs are more porous to accept the paint). Use Sharpie Paint markers to create your design. Let it dry for 72 hours. Put mugs in a cold oven and turn to 425 degrees. Bake for 1 hour. Turn off oven and leave them in there to cool off.

bean box mugs

 DIY Exfoliating Face Scrub Mix 3 Tablespoons of new coffee grounds with 1 Tablespoon of brown sugar and add 1 Tablespoon of natural oil of your choice (olive, grape seed, coconut or almond oil). Store mixture in an air tight glass jar. Massage gently on to your face and rinse with warm water.

 


Gloria DarmaninGloria Darmanin is a three time boy mom and completely outnumbered. She works hard to spread awareness for childhood cancer, authentic inclusion for persons with disabilities and gender equality. When she isn’t hiding from the kids she is off planning her annual St. Baldrick’s event and dreaming of ways to make money for charity.

Things No One Tells You About Motherhood

Things They Don't Tell New Mothers

Once people knew I was pregnant the stories of motherhood began flying my way. I was told I was going to fall head over heels in love my baby (and I totally have). Everything that my baby does will be adorable (I somewhat agree). I was told to take all the medications that were offered at delivery time (I never got any medications as we went directly into delivery upon arriving at the hospital). How I would love the cuddles, giggles, the milestones, cute outfits, tiredness and body changes. What I was not told about was the realism of motherhood.

Once I had my daughter I was not ready for what was about to happen. The true experience of motherhood was nothing like what I had been told. I do not want you, my awesome blog reader, to go blindly into motherhood without knowing the untold stories of motherhood.

Tiredness. Yes, I have experienced it in the past and I was told about tiredness. I would gladly take tiredness. However, since the beginning of my pregnancy I have been EXHAUSTED! My body went through 9 months of growing a baby while on bedrest. You would think I would have gotten a lot of sleep. My husband naively asked why I was so tired all the time. My response was you grow a human for 9 months, have it ripped from inside you and as your body is trying to heal you become a 24 hour vending machine. Walking away…grumble, grumble, ask my why I’m tired…grumble, grumble…

Childbirth is not as painful as the horror stories you hear.  I had my daughter without medication. Before it sounds like I am bragging, let me say she was a fast delivery where there was no time for mediation. The worse part was the “ring of fire” as her head pushed out. This is coming from a woman who has multiple health issues and takes numerous pain control medications.

The Heartburn never goes away! My heartburn was so bad that I had to see a specialist who scheduled me for surgery to remove my gall bladder. I had excruciating heartburn that caused me to double over in pain. The only way I got the slightest relief was by having to make myself throw up. This was horrible in itself. I was told that gallstones were a common issue for women after childbirth. Even after having my gallbladder removed I am still on prescribed medications for the heartburn.

Stretch marks everywhere. I have stretch marks on places I never thought possible. My toes and feet swelled three times their size during weeks 36-38 and then swelled more after giving birth. It hurt to walk for weeks. I now have stretch marks on my toes and feet. I also have stretch marks on the back of my neck, armpits, butt, hips, and arms, stomach….EVERYWHERE!

Time alone ceases to exist. You no longer have time to read that book you just got into. You now read The Very Hungry caterpillar a bajillion times. No more quiet refreshing showers, now you have to find ways to drag in some baby contraption to hold the child and toys to keep her happy while you quickly shower before she screams uncontrollably. (P.s. keep the shower door ajar so she can see you for a longer shower). Gone are the days of peeing in peace (have you read my Mommy Potty Chaos Post?). Ironically as I write this I am in the dentist’s waiting room using my “alone time” to finish this post.

Overwhelmed is the new normal. I used to juggle a million things very successfully. Now I can’t seem to get through one morning without losing my composure. I was once told I come off as unfazed…where is that person now? Balancing household bills and squeezing out money for baby needs, housework that never is caught up, friends are put on the back burner, finding time to buy groceries. Now the baby needs more attention, other child needs attention, your needs don’t count. Don’t forget the husband needs attention and by the way your legs would embarrass Chewbacca, a fact that my husband let me know by buying hair remover cream “so it can work while you do other things.”

I was never told these things could become part of my daily routine! I think that as our babies grow the sting of the events we deal with are covered with fluffy cute loveable moments. We forget the pregnancy struggles and how hard it was to walk, breathe, and function. We forget the “ring of fire” during birth. As sleep patterns form we forget the length of exhaustion. We also forget those unimaginable monster mommy moments we dealt with.

I do promise that when a naïve young woman asks what motherhood is like, I will share the horrid untold stories of motherhood. I will not sugar coat a thing. It will either make her stronger in knowledge of what is to come or make her think twice about becoming a mother.

Ooh, yeah the dentist is calling. I wonder if I ask nicely they will sedate me so that I can also get some sleep while I am here?

deb editDebra is a first time mom to her beautiful rainbow baby Skyler, a wife, a blogger and an ordained minister. She enjoys crafting and creating educational fun for her step sons and decorating her home. Find Debra at Crossing New Bridges on Facebook and on Twitter.

Friday Favorites – My Summer Life Hacks

5 Life Hacksfor Balance

The kids an I are in full camp mom mode and ready for our summer adventures. No school and no sports means the kids and I are spending a lot more time together. While I love the extra time (most days) having them home all day does cause a few hiccups in my daily routine. It isn’t easy shopping with kids in tow and having them home all day means I’m cleaning up all day.

As soon as my kids wake up they want a project to do. They will either pull out all of their toys or crayons and paper and set to work. It’s great to have kids who can so easily entertain themselves, but they are still working on the cleaning it all up part. I have learned to let somethings go, but I still find myself tidying up behind them. And if I want to get any kind of work done, I have to turn a blind eye to the mess they are making while I am in my office.

Between cleaning up the messes, making snacks/meals, schlepping us to the park, the library and playing outside; there is the laundry, the grocery shopping and writing a few blog posts each week. I also have a mile long summer project list of things like painting the deck, cleaning out the garage and creating a dramatic command center before school starts (ha, ha OK that’s not really going to happen).

That sure is a lot for one person to manage in a day. So, here are a few ways I am hacking my way through summer:

  1. Get a Cleaning Lady. I know everyone thinks this is a luxury they can’t afford. It isn’t something I can afford regularly either, but during the summer months I hire a little extra help to balance life out. I pay a local mom who is looking to make extra cash to stay home with her child. Not only am I supporting another mom, but she isn’t charging as much as a cleaning company. I also only have her come to my house every two weeks for a bigger cleaning. Narrow down what you need the most help with (for me it’s the bathrooms and the floors) and ask for a quote on only those areas.
  2. Outsource Your Shopping. My biggest time (and sanity) saver is ordering my groceries online. In the past I have had them delivered directly to my house. Now I use a curbside service where someone else spends the time pulling the groceries and bagging them up and then they bring them to my car. I don’t have to get two kids out of the car to shop!
  3. Do The Laundry Every Day. I know this sounds like a lot of work. Between the wet towels and bathing suits, the 10 outfit changes per day I find summer brings more laundry. I toss a load of laundry in the wash at dinner time and then in the dryer after dinner. Then I fold heaping piles of laundry while sitting in front of the TV at night. I don’t even put it away until morning. Actually I make everyone put away their own laundry away in the morning.
  4. Give The Kids A Bath. I know it can be hard to give kids a bath every day, and there are some nights, especially if we’ve been home all day, where we skip bath. Make their bath time the last activity of the day. Give them fun things in the tub to play with like glow sticks, grow capsules, shaving cream tub paints, or colored ice cubes. Set them up with a dinosaur wash, or a car wash and let their imaginations take over. Giving my kids extra time to play in the tub gives me extra time to do other things. Like sit down.
  5. Give Yourself A Break. If you are home with kids all day, or maybe you work a 9-5 and the evenings are packed with a bustle of family life, it’s OK to take a break. Enjoy some time to relax. Even if that means leaving the dishes in the sink while you sit outside with your beverage in hand soaking in the evening sunlight. Be sure to take some time with friends, or take a walk alone. I personally like to take the kids to the gym with me (childcare is free) so I can watch my grown up TV shows and they can play. It’s a nice break in the day.

There ya have it, my five go-to favorite summer life hacks. I can’t get everything done in a day without relying on these five things!

What other tips do you have?

The Whatever Mom is a twin mom learning to let go of perfection. She shares her real life struggles with parenting through her blog and contributes her time and talents as a writer to Hudson Valley Parent and Masshole Mommy. When she isn’t writing you can find her chugging coffee, folding laundry and not judging other parents. Don’t forget to subscribe via email so you never miss a blog post again! You can also find her work featured on Mamapedia and The Novice Mommy.

The Type of Friend You Become After Having Kids

I've Become The Friend That . . .

I love being a mom. I love being a friend. At times, it’s tough doing both, especially when you are raising toddlers. They are loud, unpredictable, clumsy & messy. It’s amazing how much motherhood changes you, especially concerning the dynamic you have with your friends. Here’s what I noticed about the friend I’ve become after having kids:

 

I’M NOW THE FRIEND THAT:

Texts more than talks. I remember when I had an infant that slept the majority of the day. I still called my long distance friends and talked for hours. Then as she got older, it became more difficult when my daughter started to get into things. Now that my daughters are 4 & 2, it seems as if they have radar on me. If mommy is on the phone, that must be the time to squeal, fight and scream. Communicating is so much easier texting than talking.

 

Yells mid-conversation. This goes back to the previous point. If my friend is lucky enough to have more than a 5 minute conversation with me, she’s bound to hear me yell mid-conversation. At one point, I can hear the uncomfortable silence in my single friend’s voice, and in the next few minutes, she’s asking me if I need to go. Even though I tell her the wailing she’s hearing is unreasonable, the conversation usually ends. A few minutes later, my child is happy and no signs of discomfort arise. My friends with kids either laugh or tell me they just did the same thing 10 minutes ago.

 

Finishes eating before everyone else. I’ve noticed that I’m the first one done when my girlfriends and I go out to eat. Even though I’m out without the kids, I’m eating like I’m running a marathon race because that’s what I’m used to at home. If I want to finish a meal without interruption, it’s got to happen fast. It’s hard to get out of the habit.

 

Always has a sanitizing item in their purse. Kids are unpredictable. So are their messes. I’m the mom that has something to sanitize with in my purse either in the form of a Boogie wipe, regular wipe, hand sanitizer or sanitizing hand wipe. I’ve started keeping these items in my purse even when the kids aren’t with me. It comes in handy when I’ve spilled some coffee or bits of lunch on myself.

 

Shops online. Before kids, I loved to browse for hours in the mall. I tried everything on, and took back what I changed my mind about once I got home. Now when my friends ask where I’ve purchased something, more than likely I’ve purchased it online. Don’t get me wrong, I love a shopping trip, but shopping with kids limits the amount of time I have to try things on. I also have to keep them still and semi quiet in the dressing room, so it’s much easier to just buy online.

 

Can’t take a group picture because my phone is full of pictures of my kids. No matter how many pictures I download or delete I just can’t get enough of my kids; their messy faces, pouts, smiles, nakedness and beauty.

 

The nice thing about true friends is that they stick around no matter how you evolve as a mom. They understand that motherhood makes you a little absent-minded at times, but they charge it to your head and not your heart. They also realize that it doesn’t change the quality of your friendship, perhaps just the quantity of time you spend together.

What have you noticed about the friend you’ve become after having kids? 

Diedre Jason photoDiedre Anthony is a full time school counselor, mother and wife.  In her blog Are Those Your Kids? , she focuses on her experiences of raising her biracial girls in an interracial marriage.  Her posts are filled with helpful tips about raising children, diversity, curly hair as well as entertaining stories, and anecdotes.  Several of her posts have been published by the Huffington Post .
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